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Transcribe page 4 of 57
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December 26- [[underlined]] Tuesday [[/underlined]] I've been home since last Thursday - [[strikethrough]] [[preprinted]] [[underlined]] January 2 [[/underlined]] [[/preprinted]] [[/strikethrough]] Nothing happened at school. I still rated hello with all the boys except Dirk - and I just can't use my imagination and appreciate him a damn bit. Something else happened - I smoked my first cigarette with a boy just before I left (excepting my brothers). It gave me such an independent feeling. Defiance to the nth degree - defying all of Baker and conventions. Bob didn't write. It was nearing Xmas and the dear boy is quite low on funds anyway I guess - so he may have stopped because that may have been - to his idea, the most convenient time. I hate him for it. I tried to tell him I didn't expect anything - but the reason may have been different. I wonder if I weren't promoting too much. [[end page]] [[start page]] anyway. If I'm not loved - I resort to loving - the next best thing - I didn't think of loving [[strikethrough]] [[preprinted]] [[underlined]] January 3 [[/underlined]] [[/preprinted]] [[/strikethrough]] Bos until I found out he didn't love me any more - and Bob was the same way - so by my own actions I was left in the dust soda speak. I like to know I have the upper hand - so I can make a man miserable. I burned all my letters. Xmas day - lasting over two years and a half - beginning with Aubrey - then Bos, Fred, John, Jerry, Jack, George and Bob. Aubrey held high score with 42 letters - Bob coming in a close second. The blaze was facinating. I kept 3 of Bos' and 3 of Bob's. I feel terribly unconnected as it were - at present. I didn't have a date for the midnite frolic - I had been home 3 days and hadn't been rushed at all - (Chic asked me for a date but he's too short) So that nite at the first pretense I came up stairs and succumbed to self pity - cried and felt better afterwards. Xmas day I saw
Notes on Transcribing this page (optional)
Reviewed and made a few minor corrections. Only word I can't make out is the name Divk near the top of the first page. It does not look like her other K's. Di..? I will check other entries to see if she mentions him. Dirk
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