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duty, because you feel you are stupid just as you are, because you will not make an effort.  Oh don't be so cruel, I wish you could see into my heart and you would not say that.  Not quite that.  I am stupid I admit, then I feel all the time they are so much older - oh and all the rest - I am so foolish and young.  But even all this does not quite account for my extreme blueness.  It is Esther perhaps.  I loved her more yesterday afternoon than I have ever done before.  I felt more thrills at her touch, more happiness
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in her kiss.

But I have given you no details.  We are at the Bronsons.  Greenfield Hill Conn.  Somehow Elsa and I don't get on as well as we ought to.  Its my fault I suppose.  Oh is it wicked to wish myself different?  If I were only ^[[be]] clever & bright & gay & girlish and different, how happy I should be.  I hate myself.  But why think at all of yourself, just try & try to talk & be bright.  Say whatever comes into your head, it does not matter.  Who cares.  It is only for a little while, it does not matter what they say of