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December 26- [[underlined]] Tuesday [[/underlined]]

I've been home since last Thursday - [[strikethrough]] [[preprinted]] [[underlined]] January 2 [[/underlined]] [[/preprinted]] [[/strikethrough]] Nothing happened at school.  I still rated hello with all the boys except Dirk  - and I just can't use my imagination and appreciate him a damn bit.  Something else happened - I smoked my first cigarette with a boy just before I left (excepting my brothers).  It gave me such an independent feeling.  Defiance to the nth degree - defying all of Baker and conventions.

Bob didn't write.  It was nearing Xmas and the dear boy is quite low on funds anyway I guess - so he may have stopped because that may have been - to his idea, the most convenient time.  I hate him for it.  I tried to tell him I didn't expect anything - but the reason may have been different.  I wonder if I weren't promoting too much.

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anyway.  If I'm not loved - I resort to loving - the next best thing - I didn't think of loving [[strikethrough]] [[preprinted]] [[underlined]] January 3 [[/underlined]] [[/preprinted]] [[/strikethrough]] Bos until I found out he didn't love me any more - and Bob was the same way - so by my own actions I was left in the dust soda speak.  I like to know I have the upper hand - so I can make a man miserable.  I burned all my letters.  

Xmas day - lasting over two years and a half - beginning with Aubrey - then Bos, Fred, John, Jerry, Jack, George and Bob.  Aubrey held high score with 42 letters - Bob coming in a close second.  The blaze was facinating.  I kept 3 of Bos' and 3 of Bob's.  I feel terribly unconnected as it were - at present.

I didn't have a date for the midnite frolic - I had been home 3 days and hadn't been rushed at all - (Chic asked me for a date but he's too short) So that nite at the first pretense I came up stairs and succumbed to self pity - cried and felt better afterwards.  Xmas day I saw

Transcription Notes:
Reviewed and made a few minor corrections. Only word I can't make out is the name Divk near the top of the first page. It does not look like her other K's. Di..? I will check other entries to see if she mentions him. Dirk