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[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, JUNE 14, 1936 [[/strikethrough]] 166th Day 1st Sunday after Trinity American Flag Adopted 1777 (Flag Day) 200 Days to come Cont over - but I'd give anything not to have had it ever happen. Here I am just the same unaccomplished idiot - with plenty of talent which as yet does no good to anyone. I am wiser & more balanced, but more average - & I love mummie just as much, - & my strongest feelings in the world - for good or for bad - [[strikethrough]] ar [[/strikethrough]] are still my love for her, & my yearning to express myself by using my powers to their full advantage in some channel outside of myself. To be an artist in the right sense accomplishes that, though it is a much more narrow & selfish channel, but as I am a rich [[strikethrough]] girl [[/strikethrough]] & talented girl that is the channel I can [[strikethrough]] acc [[/strikethrough]] accomplish the most in. To be a doctor is unselfish, & has [[strikethrough]] the [[/strikethrough]] a much bigger direction, but I am not a man, & I feel I have a peculiar ability in art which [[strikethrough]] puts m [[/strikethrough]] leads me into it above all other things - though I can think of three or four other things - science - natural history - medecine - psychology - or farming or even writing (if I had ever learnt [[strikethrough]] how [[/strikethrough]] these) & music. The biggest [[strikethrough]] MONDAY, JUNE 15, 1936 [[/strikethrough]] 167th Day Pioneers' Day (Idaho) 199 Days to come Cont difference in me this year are in my character & balance, which this winter helped a lot, & my love for Kenneth, which in spite of my feeling that he is probably not exciting, & certainly won't lead a fiery or [[strikethrough]] a [[/strikethrough]] romantic life - had made me actually think of marriage in a practical & pictorial way. I am so terribly fond of him, & I feel he is [[strikethrough]] is [[/strikethrough]] so fundamentally sound & right in a wise rather than stuffy way, & I feel so natural & free with him. He has such a high standard in his views of activity & people, & is such a strong if not a fiery personality, & his restful manner & clear head, that he is just what I need. I think his love & admiration for his mother, & mine for mummie, has influenced us so strongly that we are different from people who have [[strikethrough]] eve [[/strikethrough]] never had that feeling for their mothers, & it is a very strong thing we have in common. I love him, & he loves me - & there it is - though when I analyse [[strikethrough]] & [[/strikethrough]] in a calculating way - I realize that the life he will give me is far from the one I had wanted - though I think [[strikethrough]] what if [[/strikethrough]] if I had gotten what I wanted it would
