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WEDNESDAY, JULY 8, 1936 
190th Day   176 Days to come
(cont.)

say [[strikethrough]] I ha [[/strikethrough]] that tonight I have that lovely accomplished feeling of having done the impossible in 1 1/2 days, just because I had promised to. Ellen's main interests in life are skiing & art, so I think I will have to hang on to her as she is so helpful in making all the careful things I have no patience for. The whole point & fun in doing anything is in the thought of showing it to mum - so I wish I could have kept that soap peke & the water-hole - but it would be foolish to treat them as too good to let go, as the things of the future are the only ones of mine worth keeping so far.

Tonight I dined with Hays Hickman in order to hear an English accent again - & I told him to go to the Tavern so we could sit out in the spring fevery evening - to which he said it was too cold. He could only make up for that by telling me that he guessed I was between the ages of 20 to 22 - & that he is excellent judge of ages. I told him 22 - & he was surprised because I hardly look that old! That esteemed model in the class was fine until he told me the only trouble with my eyelashes is that one can hardly see my eyes under them! I had thought him above saying that from is stand. Compliments from a posing naked man seem grotesque as the situation is humorous. Goodnight! 

[[strikethrough]] THURSDAY, JULY 9, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
191st Day   175 Days to come
May 8th

night before last I went to a ski club dinner with Oliver Knaut (the sociologist) in order to escape from the jungle for a few hours into powder snow movies. At the dinner the President in his speech said "we have the honour to have with us a member of the Olympic team - Miss Lilian Swann - who refuses to give a talk about it" I got up & drank a toast to them all, & felt foolish not saying anything - but there are times in life when one feels one must overcome any complexes & inabilities by, [[strikethrough]] some how [[/strikethrough]] & there are complexes that one finally learns not to even try to overcome them. Speaking in public is a failure which I have decided to accept as one, (a) because I shall rarely need to, & (b) because having utterly failed in school [[strikethrough]] it [[/strikethrough]] I am literally incapable of keeping my senses in such cases - so thats that! Ski racing is another complex which I accept inwardly as a failure, & I think they both come under the same heading, whatever that is. Perhaps it is failure to face responsibility because of overself-consciousness - but I hope this