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[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, AUGUST 29, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
242nd Day  124 Days to come
cont.

sometimes, & at other times I see unpersonal parades passing below when I am up in a balcony window, & these are of other people & other worlds [[strikethrough]] which [[/strikethrough]] that I long to join & can only watch unseen. They consist of things I can never experience or know because they are too big[[strikethrough]]ger[[/striketthrough]] & grand[[strikethrough]]er[[/strikethrough]] & [[strikethrough]] more [[/strikethrough]] vital for me to take part in, & they are the ones that make me most unhappy because I can only watch them as if I wasn't alive, & they are composed of anything from families to people who have excelled to the good of thousands of others in whatever they have done, whereas my checkerboards are composed of mere personal diddling puppets of which I am one, accompanied by a stream of gloomy failures, or uproarious upglorious joys, as the case of moods may be. In the latter - K [[strikethrough]] is usually [[/strikethrough]] has been the [[strikethrough]] leader [[/strikethrough]] most recent leader (did he know he was a mere puppet, or does that make my parade not such a diddling puppet show after all??)

[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, AUGUST 30, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
243rd Day  12th Sunday after Trinity   123 Days to come
cont.

But so much for these parades, which are too native to write about so nakedly. What was it I said about learning to cut down on my writings?? [[strikethrough]] But [[/strikethrough]] If 'practice makes perfect,' then I should know how to write by now, but to be good at any art means 90% perspiration & 10% inspiration, & I'm afraid my writings are 90% inspiration & 10% perspiration. The trouble with writing from imagination is that one repeats oneself - so I'd better stick to actions & events. K writes [[strikethrough]] that about [[/strikethrough]] that he feels frightened about me - well so do I about my love for him. It comes from being alive & vulnerable, & away from each other, & we have something so precious to keep intact that we are afraid it might starve or get worn away by [[strikethrough]] ar [[/strikethrough]] erosions during such a long time. I can't make out whether he brings out the worst or the best it [[in]]  me, [[strikethrough]] because [[/strikethrough]] I only know he brings out me, & I'm afraid he should be responsible for bigger & better things than that. He says I change him & his whole life, but thank goodness I realize