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[[strikethrough]] FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
248th Day  118 Days to come

Cont.

am losing sight of the precious cause & ideas that [[strikethrough]] give [[/strikethrough]] one calls talent - & my feeling & urge is being eclipsed by [[strikethrough]] this [[/strikethrough]] the apparent hopelessness & self conscious fanaticism that has developed in place of the love & abandon I used to have in drawing & modeling freely as a child. 

Oh well - one can't afford to be such a sensitive plant - & I shall just have to go on drawing from my head instead of from models - & not worry about the technique - which I may someday stumble accross.

Yesterday I went to Alice Doubleday's wedding - which was a picture book display of a perfect green reception - heavenly cool sunshine, & flower girls dancing in flowing dresses unselfconsciously around the pool. Phil Watts' wife - Millie Lee - came up to me & said she'd just have to look at me after hearing of Phil's & my evening from 8 - 4:30 a.m. at the party when she had been ill. She laughed it off well - but I felt much too embarrassed not to show it, & so was Phil. He kept watching me, & I watched him - I could hardly bear to leave early for my ferry - especially

[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
249th Day   117 Days to come

Cont

when he asked me to stay on - but after all why miss the last ferry for a happily married man? Barclay Potts left early too & on the ferry I found lots of Lucy's friends - Lyttleton Fox who doesn't like me after all, & a Fran Carmedy who did like me. We all landed & dined in O.B. - it was fun & they all were very nice - especially Carmedy whom I hope to see again someday. The night before I was too lonely to refuse to see Ned Austin - & he was more fun than usual. He made love to me like an idiot - why can't men realize that unless a girl is really in love that is the last thing they should do - & why can't they see when the girl is not in love? The night before St. J dropped in at 6: to say goodbye [[strikethrough]] but [[/strikethrough]] - for he is going to work with Howe (Howe & Lescase) in Phila. this summer. The weather was [[strikethrough]] to [[/strikethrough]] stifling - & we hung out the River window drinking cocktails & watching a [[strikethrough]] ye [[/strikethrough]] dirty yellow storm gathering heart felt momentum. We felt electrified - & the scene was [[strikethrough]] quite [[/strikethrough]] as theatrical as our moods. Now he is gone too - Kim & St J & K are far away. I spent the evening with Martha