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[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
292nd Day   19th Sunday after Trinity   74 Days to come
cont.

that, though on the last evening he said he wasn't cured at all, only he said it with a straight face instead of with the emotion he had felt that first night. Aunt Leila wouldn't let us have another evening together - & today [[strikethrough]] we [[/strikethrough]] he drove down out of his way toward New Haven with me - & said goodbye with "don't forget how fond I am of you." We spent the whole three days hurting each other - I feel more unhappy & discouraged with him than anyone else except Vinton, because I care & yet our worlds don't meet. He is so damn intellectual that I don't understand 9/100 of what he says or thinks, & I feel [[strikethrough]] inferior the wh & [[/strikethrough]] ignorant to be natural, the whole time. God knows why he likes me when I am so unbookish, & his ego & conciet [[strikethrough]] is [[/strikethrough]] are so colossal that I have to suffer [[strikethrough]] while [[/strikethrough]] away from my world & [[strikethrough]] lay [[/strikethrough]] vainly knocking at his [[strikethrough]]  door [[/strikethrough]] because he won't come to mine. He is too much in love with himself to be able to love anyone else at the moment, but I guess he is fascinated & attracted -. He has probably never met an intellectual


[[strikethrough]] MONDAY, OCTOBER 19, 1936 [[/strikethrough]]
293rd Day    73 Days to come
cont

girl with that too, [[strikethrough]] & [[/strikethrough]] so because I am real & sincere he thinks he loves me. [[strikethrough]] The [[/strikethrough]] One day he said I have the eyes & hair of an  exotic, the nose of a child, & hands that can do something; & it is all this [[strikethrough]] all around everything [[/strikethrough]] combined that he loves, but the next day he said he didn't like my hands - though they are the best thing about me! They are strong & long & straight, & Henry says they're the most beautiful hands he has ever seen. You see (who are you anyway??) my vanity & pride [[strikethrough]] & mind are hurt [[/strikethrough]] are grossly insulted by this 21 year old's ability to crush & fascinate me into raving this way like a 16 year old deb. He irritated me continually, but [[strikethrough]] then & [[/strikethrough]] the more I like someone the more they irritate me when they irritate me! [[left margin]] His social credit speech is a real accomplishment - in expression & medium, & as a speech [[/left margin]] 

I really am infatuated the way I was with Kenneth in the beginning - with his mind & his [[strikethrough]] looks [[/strikethrough]] beauty & his uncompromising honesty & [[strikethrough]] inscrutable an [[/strikethrough]] unscrupulous conciet, which promises a real future. He [[strikethrough]] is [[/strikethrough]] has no sense of values in life because he is too rich & young to have suffered anything or to be able even to understand it, & is selfish beyond words - but