Viewing page 169 of 193

This transcription has been completed. Contact us with corrections.

[[strikethrough]] SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 1936 [[strikethrough]]
326th Day  Presentation B.V. Mary 40 Days to come

been gone through at the age of 17. The person [[strikethrough]] of [[/strikethrough]] in sight at the moment is the apple of my eye - & I can't understand how I can be so scatter-heart. Jay, Larry, Bill, Peter Scott (when he comes) flutter my heart with hopes of seeing more of them - & Kim, ST J, Henry, Kenneth - whom I really care for & who really care for me fade in the distance unless they are there. Perhaps it is because no boys liked me enough when I was 17 for me ever to have had that fling - & since then I have been so afraid of being deeply hurt by loving someone that I have learned to prevent myself from caring too much. When I was 17 I was deeply in love first with St J, & later with John - for years - & those were the only ones - & they both [[strikethrough]] hurt me [[/strikethrough]] made me suffer so much when they ceased to care (which was true for awhile, though they still cared undersneath) that [[strikethrough]] I becam [[/strikethrough]] my heart became a hard rubber ball. Mum & I have spent a lovely healthy week - with a routine of work (she writing her [[strikethrough]] diar [[/strikethrough]] Egyptian

[[strikethrough]] SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 1936 [[strikethrough]]
327th Day  Sunday Next Before Advent  39 Days to come

diary [very well] & me working on the lions) all a.m. - tennis for an hour - lunch - & work all P.M. I [[strikethrough]] hav [[/strikethrough]] just realized how lucky I am to have a life work that is solitary. The solitude I [[strikethrough]] get [[/strikethrough]] have when I model gives one an indescribable something which a walk alone or going to sea give one - & [[strikethrough]] th [[/strikethrough]] how awful it must be [[strikethrough]] to [[/strikethrough]] for leaders of men whose work is surrounded by masses of people & interruptions. [[strikethrough]] Ive [[/strikethrough]] I've learnt a lot on my lions, in the sense of knitting one & pearling two & then ripping it out & repeating the process a hundred times. The result is they look exactly the same, but I have [[strikethrough]] chan [[/strikethrough]] progressed as an artist through them. They are O.K. as lions - in appearance & feeling, but not as a series of forms. If one looked at them without recognizing lions & action - they would hardly be a [[strikethrough]] pleasing [[/strikethrough]] harmonious composition of beautiful forms. I have learnt how to model [[strikethrough]] this [[/strikethrough]] from a model just this spring - but I still can't model without