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102

[[strikethrough]] Wednesday, April 11, 1928 [[/strikethrough]]

This business of loving and friendship and kissing and dancing and jazz is all too much.  How futile it is to decide what is important.  At times people seem most important — and then at other times nothing matters very much.  What exactly am I living for, and all the millions of other people in the world.  One out every hundred does something.  And I have no idea even what I want to do.  I get excited, perhaps childishly and foolishly about dances, Orvil, kisses.  And it all doesn't mean a thing but fun.  And what is fun?  What is being happy?  How is one happy?  It is all a circle again.  Is it just the city that is helping us grow up too fast —

"Dance dance little lady
Youth is fleeting to the rythym beating in your mind
Dance, dance dance little lady
So obsessed with second best that no rest you'll ever find —"

I'm one of the little ladies too, I guess.  And my period of unrest is beginning — growing pains!


103

[[strikethrough]] Thursday, April 12, 1928 [[/strikethrough]]  Sunday Feb. 1

In books and movies and such things the author has the heroine write her troubles in a diary so that he may let his audience know about her.  I have no audience — but I might just as well write here.  It would be better than telling anyone.

O.E.D. is a funny thing.  At times he seems so much in love that — I don't know —  Last night, for instance, when we sat on the little couch and talked about our very good times — and then he went to Billie — and sat there with her and danced with her.  I get so angry at myself for being jealous — I bite my lip and look away and talk to my partner — but I feel it anyway.  He doesn't know — just I didn't know about Al.  I wonder how it will end.  This way can't keep going on forever — even until Spring.  But how How How can he tell me he loves me best and then act the other way every now and then.

Peanuts, I know, is crazy about me — and I like him tremendously.  He came up for an hour yesterday and we both knew we were