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234
Tuesday, August 21, 1928

And I worry that it will make a distance between us, and that he will become dependent on her. And I can't help feeling it's a sort of escape from reality into a sort of sur-reality, and that I've failed him if he couldn't come to me.

And mostly, I guess, I hate Marynia. She is always we feel little and inadequate. It started about nursing Donald. But it goes on about everything. She always knows best. She always pigeon-holes everything - even Joe. And now she can be superior about Joe - because she, Marynia, can diagnose him, can probe him where I never can, can make him dependent - even if she cures him.

Already its had its effect. I find myself having to watch my conversation. I find I feel sort of like a third wheel, altho' Joe has tried to include me. And because Marynia said Joe's mother rejected him and that's why Joe rejects her, I find myself being nicer to her - kind of standing with her against Marynia. What right has Marynia to be so god-damn omipitant? By what right 


235
Wednesday, August 22, 1928

can she interfere with people? Jesus - its two and a half months- I want to go to her and tear her eyes out. I've never been really jealous before or hated anyone before, but I do now. I wish I could tell Mother about it, but Joe said not to tell anyone and he'd be sore and if I told her without telling him, he's know. I don't know what to do. And I'm afraid it's going to get worse as it goes along and he gets more involved. I keep praying we'll move away soon - Baltimore, Washington - anywhere - but then Im scared that if we leave in the middle it will be worse. I gave Beatrice money to light a candle to St. Anthony tonight - maybe he knows.

I suppose I'm a damn fool and maybe I'm just upset because I'm pregnant - but it's more than that. If only something would happen so he couldn't continue - Everyday for 2 1/2 months - Oh, why must it be Marynia?