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72 ABBOT'S MONTHLY JOKES image] She-- What are you going to be when you get through college? He--A concrete engineer. She-- You've got a head for it, all right. ****** WHAT'S THE USE? If you take somebody's life, It's a sin. If you love somebody's wife, It's a sin. If you drink or smoke or chew, Or take what's not your due, With heaven you are through, For it's a sin. If you play around with dice, It's a sin. If you don't treat others nice, It's a sin. If this sort of life seems dry, And you feel you'd rather die, Suicide you cannot try, For it's a sin. --Brown Jug. ****** NIP AND TUCK Ralph: "Stocks are getting lower and lower--there don't seem to be much chance for us men anymore." Percy: " Yes, darn it--the women's skirts are the same way, too." ***** "Why did Gilda Gray stop in the middle of that dance?" "I guess she's got writher's cramp." --Ski-U-Mah. ****** Critical Client: "Well, you ain't made this hand very beautiful, Miss." Miss: "I only do manicures- not operations." --Goblin. ***** THE MAD HUNT It was midnight and warm. The lights were out. He moved his feverish hands slowly over the cool round contour. His legs began to tremble. He began to perspire... maybe he wouldn't find that desired place. "Ah," said the drunk, as he placed the key into the keyhole, "at last I'm up those damn marble stairs!" ************ RADIO WAVES HURT IT Young Wife: "Tell me, honey, how do you like my cake? I made it from a recipe I got over the radio." Young Hubby (manfully trying to bite into the cake): "This cake acts like the recipe had been broadcast through the Rocky Mountains!" ***** THAT WOUDL BE TOO MUCH Trusty: "I'll do anything I can, Warden." Warden: "Well, don't put yourself out." --College Humor. ****** A woman needs a chaperone until she can call some chap her own. ***** AMBITIOUS REPORTER Reporter: "What news? What news?" Juror: "We find the defendant not guilty of murber." Reporter: "Dammit! No noose." --Purple Parrot **** Sheik: "You kiss just like Greta Garbo." Sheba: "What! Have you been two-timing me?" --Mugwump. ***** "I grade by the curve system," said the professor as he glanced at the row of beautiful co-eds in front of him. --Texas Ranger ******* JUST LIKE A SYLPH She: Jack told me last night that my movements in the Dance of the Seven Veils were as graceful as a sylph." He "Zat so? They reminded me of a steam roller going through a blind alley." **** "Does a kiss mean anything in a show?" "No, that's just film fun." --Buccaneer. for May, 1931 73 How Two Men Worked Out a Great Problem (Continued from page 25) law in cases where deceased leave not heirs. Dr. J.O. Hamilton, judging by his life and the reputation he left after him, was an irascible, selfish, cunning sort of man. He enjoyed a large practice, which should have been very remunerative. However, when compelled by court to make an accounting and restitution, he pleaded poverty and anything that he thought would save him money. In 1869 Theodore S. Chapman, a Yankee from the Berkshire Hills, taught school in the Stone School House, and studied law as his time would permit. He learned the great story of Dr. Silas Hamilton and George Washington, and the interesting lives they led, and the beneficence of their bequests. One of Mr. Chapman's first suits at the bar was to require an accounting and the removal of Dr. J.O. Hamilton. This litigation through its various phases, lasted approximately ten years, but in the end, right and justice were served. The successor in trust, Linus Humiston, erected the monument at a cost of $1,385. Erected by George Washington Born in Virginia a Slave Died at Otterville, Ill., April 18, 1864 To the Memory of Dr. Silas Hamilton, His Former Master. Born at Tinmouth, Vt., May 19, 1775 Died at Otterville, Ill., Nov. 19th, 1834 Having in his lifetime given freedom to Twenty-eight Slaves. At his death he bequeathed four thousand dollars for the erection and endowment of the Hamilton Primary School. At the March term of the Circuit Court of Jersey County, Illinois, 1880, Linus Humiston, Trustee, petitioned the Court for an order granting power to build and maintain a school for colored people in Jerseyville. Mr. Chapman answered this petition with the argument that George Washington intended his estate to afford educational facilities to members of his race, beyond what they could secure in common schools. That to use it to build a "colored school" would benefit only the taxpayer. The Court denied the petition and further, upon petition filed by Mr. Chapman, the fund was turned over to a board of trustees, appointed by the Court, and to serve during life. Thus was organized the George Washington Educational Fund. Approximately one hundred and twenty black boys and girls have been assisted to a college education by it. Some of them occupy positions of trust, some of them are teaching in leading schools, and some of them have been successful in business. WHEN this fund was turned over by Dr. J.O. Hamilton it amounted to approximately $7,300, after the monument was paid for. From that time until the death of Mr. Chapman in 1914, he gave it his careful attention and best thought. The records of the Court show that whenever an attorney's fee was granted by the Court to Mr. Chapman he at once donated it to the fund. Mr. Chapman never received a penny from the fund, and more than that he p aid interest on funds of the Fund in his hand as Treasurer awaiting investment. He was the first treasurer of the board, and after that president. When he died the fund amounted to something more than $22,000. He did not leave a will, but a paper expressing his wish for the distribution of his property was found in his strong box. His family complied with his wishes as strictly as though they had been provided for in a will. This note contained the following paragraph: "You all know that I have taken a great interest in the George Washington Educational Fund, and it may not be saying too much that owing to that effort it was saved from a total loss, and has been a great benefit to the colored race, and I hope you will see, as long as you live, that it is properly and well handled by the trustees provided by decree of the court, and I want to give the fund the sum of three thousand dollars, and I hope that as long as there is one of you in the state, one of you will be a member of the board." This fund now amounts to about #26,000, and while it has been growing it has assisted 1120 persons of George's race to get a college education. All this is due primarily to the Christian thoughtfulness of George Washington. Dr. Silas Hamilton made this benefaction possible by the influence of his sterling character and the environment he threw about George Washington. Senator Theodore S. Chapman was the saviour of the fund as truly as Abraham Lincoln was the savior of his country or as Jesus Christ is the savior of humanity. [[advertisement]] Do You Want HAPPINESS SUCCESS MONEY LOVE Information Free No matter how hopeless your case may seem, I guarantee to help you. WRITE TODAY M. WILLIAMS 901 Bergen Ave., Studio AM JERSEY CITY, N.J. [/advertisement]] [[advertisement]] GRAY HAIR PENCIL [[image]] MAGIC PENCIL instantly changes Gray Hair to Radiant, Youthful Color. Latest method known to Keep gray away from roots, Temples, and Parting. It can't be detected - will not fade or wash off. Youthful, natural-like to GRAY HAIR, Quickly, Easily, Amazingly. Delights men and women that use it. 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Boy-- the sexism in these "jokes" is really jarring!
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