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This day has not filled me with a great enthusiasm for painting; it seemed negative in its aspect and I did not take the time to look at things intimately as I usually do when I look for something to paint and am not first impressed by the day: or I might better say when I'm not in an active mental state. Just now I am trapped in a sea of conflicting emotions; never before have I really felt as many responsibilities as I do now, nor have I before been able to comprehend them as fully. [[strikethrough]] as I do now. [[/strikethrough]] My work, the prospect of becoming a father and this investment in a speck of the globe (which we must try and civilize as my aunt says) are the

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