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Dec. 26 '64

Alone, alone in my apt studio, at work on Northern Lights.
Why must it be so very difficult to paint, always so difficult? It was difficult even back in 1939. I remember working on Northeast Kauai (?) (red lava slopes + the sea) in my studio at Kapoa - and lying on the floor in desperation - it was so hard even then - 

Perhaps it is because I am after an intangible that is indefinable yet something with a shining core of reality that I know exists! It comes to life only after a long struggle with means + views and aspects. but it does come into being - it has in [[strikethrough]]pai[[/strikethrough]] most of my paintings. But [[strikethrough]]it to[[/strikethrough]] each takes so very long. 
I have thoughts of other places.
Bolinas, Calif? near Point Reyes. The little bay beaneath the lava cloves at Haena.