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all the idealism I once felt is slipping fast. At best I want to leave while my family is still alive - though they aren't really my family because my mother is so under the domination of my stepfather - financially & otherwise. Yes - Ive been very dumb - as far as you & he are concerned - but I still think I have a great beautiful feeling for life which I can share with Susie & Eric better than I've been able to express a love all these years. In fact the conflict between us is felt by them & is no good for them. Lets let you be a great man - no matter what happens to me - but I can't destroy myself, with them in mind. Just let us go far away & dont