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of why she excluded us. A dilemma for a man who kept everyone compartmentalized & stated freely the flaws (not unkindly) of others. Ellen to him was lost in her mysticism; a featherbed of unreality, of unharnessed dreams. He was an ecclectic in regard to women. I mystified him because I was so unpossessive - I never wanted anything from him except lovemaking & talk. During the time - very long - of our affair there was one crashing love affair of mine which I talked about, & how he comforted me in my misery. There was never with him the horrible anguish of love, but 1st friendship, which to me is [[strikethrough]] the [[/strikethrough]] love, without pain, with deep concern, with manners & regard for the amour propre of others. There have been 5 or 6 of these. All artists, writers etc. deep in their work life. Any thought of living with any one of them would have been terrible. Because then there would have been jealousy,