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4. 

Meditation-I work very hard - it is dynamically altering my nervous system, my consciousness. I think I have found the medicine - at last - yet I respect (as always) my reservations. The quest: philosophies, religions, cosmology, psychotherapy, clairvoyance, white magic, looking for "it" in others ←  now → I look inside. (This curiosity my poor mother hated that in me as a child - both alienating us yet insatiating it!) 

By Siam Seaside (I like alliterations esp. 'S's"s) I go amongst orange robed people in timeless space. Isolating this ever-hollow lonliness...hungry for their secrets. 

This past month I resolved to stalk the path. I must do this well & give it time → a chance. I do my work, I meditate 3x's a day for 1/2 hr. each-Damn it's hell to sit absolutely still with only breath as my mental subject