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Thursday May 15 1879 Here I felt very troubled and unhappy all day. I do not see how I am to meet my engagements. I find I lack fifteen hundred dollars to pay the interest on our mortgages, my rent and some other bills and I see little method to attain it. I feel a sense of impending disaster and contemplate with alarm the possibility of losing all our property and worst of all our home. I am almost distracted when I think of it and know not what to do. I have been painting all day on another portrait of Gertrude I began some time ago and this evening I went up to Eastman Johnsons. He seems to have enough to do and is able to pay his way. It has always seemed a cruel thing that all my lie long I have had to wrestle with these sordid and degrading worries. I am tired of it. Poor dear Gertrude is spared her share in my unhappiness and in days like these I sigh and yearn for her sweet sympathy that never failed me in my troubles. If I had only myself to consider I should not fret but I cannot bear to have my father and mother disturbed in their old age. I think the way American Artists are treated is a shame to our people. I am sure that in almost any other country with my position I should be spared all this

Friday 16. A letter from Lily French and this evening one from R. M. Hoe Jr. asking when he could come to my room to see my pictures which his uncle had spoken to him of. Dined with Gifford in their new apartment. They are very nicely situated. How dear Gertrude would have enjoyed this pleasant place and how often she used to wish we had just such an apartment where we could invite our friends. Wrote to Lucy and to Lily French and a note to Mr. Hoe. Am going home tomorrow and on Monday John McEntee and I are going out on the Mill brook in Delaware Co. fishing. I do not expect to return before a week from next Monday.

Monday May 26. 1879. Went home Saturday morning 17" by 8' oclock train and in the afternoon Sade and I went to the Century On Monday I went out to Mill Brook in Delaware Co. by the morning train with George Weber. John McEntee was prevented from going at the last moment by the dangerous illness of his mother=in=law Mrs Dibble. We were met at Deans by Mr. De Silva's son and driven comfortably up to his place ten miles. It rained a part of the way. We found there Ed= Waters and a Mr. Adams & Mr Holmes and Frank Waters came next day. We remained there until Thursday when the weather becoming cool & windy we came home, having