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of her loving nature. I feel afresh what a trial it was to her to live apart from me whom she loves so dearly. How could I ever leave her. When I read her dear letters she is still living to me and for the time I lose the sense of her absence, but when I fold them up and put them away that ceaseless crying for her returns and never ceases in weighing at my heart. She has been constantly in my thoughts today and thinking of her all earthly interests and pursuits since out of sight. I am almost alarmed at my indifference to my art, for everything here at home depends upon me now. Still I hope that after I have been at home a little while I will feel like going to work. Wrote a long letter to Gussie. Jamie came home Saturday from school in capital spirits. He went back by the early train this morning feeling pretty badly.

Wednesday Oct. 29. 1879. Went to N.Y. Began to make the alterations in my room such as removing the stairs &c. consequent upon giving up my upper room which E.L. Henry and his wife are to occupy. Friday evening dined at Robt. Gordons, with Mr. Kennedy, Mrs. Gordon and their son and daughter and a young lady friend. Saturday Nov. 1 Whittredge and I dined with Collins at the Union League club and went from there to the monthly meeting of the Century. A few of us tried to prevent the election of Ferguson but failed. I regret his getting in there. Saw Stedman and had a satisfactory evening, although now I confess I often leave the Century with an unhappy feeling, regretting the old friends who are gone. Sunday Nov. 2. Mary and I went to hear Robt. Collyer. In Grammercy Park thought I saw Lily French and Miss Washburne. Could not be sure. Could it have been possible? If Lily had cared to see me she would have let me know she was in town. Monday 3. Worked all day getting my rooms in order and was very tired at night. Grew very ill and had a wretched night, did not sleep at all. Tuesday 4 Came home by the morning train in order to vote feeling very badly. Sara gave me some medicine and I felt better towards night.

Wednesday Nov. 5. I feel better today and have been at work putting away my summer clothes. Dear Gertrude is so constantly in my thoughts. Sara and I talked of her yesterday and cried over her blessed memory. Everything reminds me of her here. Everywhere are the marks of her loving hands and the very autumn landscape beyond the windows is absent of her. The weather is cold and there is a little sun