Viewing page 374 of 473

This transcription has been completed. Contact us with corrections.

361

up town to take the 4 oclock train home he went along to see Mrs. Grifford and Eastman. I was glad to get home although  my unhappiness follows me there. Found my father quite well.

Sunday May 7 1882. Went in the morning over to the Cemetery. The grass was springing thickly on our lot but I could not tell whether the sweet brier I put out on dear Gertrudes grave was growing or not. The buds seemed alive. Then I went full of sad thoughts and tender memories of my darling out on the Commons where she and I walked so much in the Autumn. O the sorrow and the unutterable longing for her that took possession of me. I could not bear to be alone and came home. It seems so sad every where even at home where I cannot bear to be alone a moment. Where I will all end with me God alone knows. In the afternoon my mother, Sara, Lucy and I took a ride out on The Flatbush road and home by Livingstons and the Roatina. I copied some favorite poems of Taylor & Lowell for Mrs. Eastman Johnsons scrap book. 

Monday 8. Came down reluctantly by the noon train. I shall go home very soon now to stay. I am wretched here and presume I will be there. When I think that all my unhappiness comes from the lack of a little money it seems as though I ought to learn in some say how to sell my work for I am measurably happy when I can pay my way. On my arrival here found a bill from Dr Joslin for attending dear Gertrude in her last illness which it grieves me not to have been able to pay. I will pay it now. Attended the Council meeting. Hall has resigned as Treasurer of the Academy and sails for Europe Wednesday. Went to the club after Council and was just coming away when Eastman and Thompson came in. We staid until after 11 when Eastman came over to my room with me where we talked until nearly 2 o clock.

Tuesday 9. Painted a little picture of Trumans Ranch for the old man which Lucy is going to send to him. A meeting of the Artists Mutual Aid Society in Wards room at which we passed an amendment to the constitution and elected seven new members. Dined at Eastman Johnsons. Miss Sara Buckley was there. Eastman has more demands for portraits than he can paint. It seems so strange to me that while he has so much to do I have nothing to do. Hall called today to bid me good bye. He sails for Europe tomorrow.