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away she thought sadly of the days, not far distant when she used to go with us. I kept thinking of all these things in spite of myself. O the sad changes of life.

Saturday 10. There was a fine breeze this morning and Downing and I took a ride leaving home about half past 9. We went across Kingston bridge around under Hussey Mountain to the Marbletown ford where we crossed and by a crossroad near Marbletown church over to Lucas turnpike, a road dear Gertrude and I drove the last summer of her life. It was charming along the Hussey Mountain looking over the meadows now in their full beauty. The air was loaded with the perfume of the wild grape and clover blossoms. It was pretty warm returning as we had the wind at our back. We reached home at 1 30 and found they had been waiting dinner for us. We hear that Maurice is not at Stoddards place in the Saugerties road. I am in despair when I think of him.

Monday 11. I painted all forenoon on the figure for which Marion is standing, out of doors until it began to rain and afterwards she stood for me in my room. But I kept getting it worse and worse and finally rubbed out all I had done, with a despairing feeling that I am not able to do anything. I am afraid I am going to fail in this. Feeling very discouraged I walked over to the cemetery and finished cutting the grass about the graves which I began several days ago and then walked out through the tunnel to the bridge, then up the track to Wiltwyck cemetery and home. The wind blew violently from the south and there was a most lonesome and forlorn feeling in the air. I wish I did not so easily get melancholy. I wrote Eastman a most melancholy letter yesterday and today I had a letter from him regarding the Newton trouble in the club. If my work was at all successful I would feel better but when that fails I am as wretched as I can be. I am unhappy enough this evening. Sometimes it seems as though everything concurs to make our home wretched and alas,

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---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-03-25 19:45:24