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Saturday May 28th 1887. A rainy day. I set Tom at cleaning out the coal cellar and getting it ready for the winter supply of coal which I will have to be thinking about by and bye. I went over to my studio after having had some paste made and spent the forenoon in mounting or lining seven of my studies and putting them under weights where I expect to leave them until Monday at least. I went over there after dinner intending to paint on some of the studies but my studio was so filled up with the weighting of the studies I had lined that I could do nothing. Sara had not been well today and I built a little fire in the sitting room which felt very comfortable. It has rained gently at intervals all day and has not cleared tonight. I thought I would look over the bureau drawers containing dear Gertrudes dresses &c this afternoon but I could not do it. When I opened them such a wave of tender and sorrowful memories swept over me that I could not do what I meant to. I think now I will give to her mother, Alice, Sara, Lucy and Mary such of her things as they can use for some day they will be scattered and I had better begin to do it now. It saddens me every time I see them, and it would be better for me to put them out of my sight, and I would like her mother and sisters to have them.

Sunday 29" After working all forenoon in my studio with my feet damp from going over through the wet grass I came home and made a fire in the sitting room and dried my feet. I laid down on the lounge for a while and when I got up noticed lack of control in my legs. The same feeling occurred in the evening but by walking about it disappeared. After writing in my diary in my room the same sensation occurred when I got up but more particularly through my whole left side. This morning it was still there. At breakfast I was so bad I could not lift my hand to my head and could not rise from my chair. Sara had to support me to the sitting room. I am better since but walk with great difficulty and have that numbness in my left arm and leg which I fear is paralysis. Sara thinks it is the result of a cold. I awoke in the night of Saturday in a violent chill not having enough cover on me and then working with my feet wet yesterday she says accounts for it - but I am alarmed and wish I could be sure it is only temporary. I wrote a letter to Booth today in which I told him all my troubles and asked him to let me have $3,000 between Sept. and Feb which I will send as soon as I know where to address him. I told him about my sale and would pay him from that. I said nothing about this alarming attack.
[[left margin]] Date of my attack. [[/left margin]]

Monday 30" Decoration day. I was to have met with the Soldiers Monument Committee at the City Hall to take part in the Memorial exercises but I wrote Col. Tremper a note telling him I was disabled and could not be present. I have been very lame today and with great difficulty control my left leg. Sara encourages me to think it is only the result of a cold but I am afraid it is permanent paralysis. I am dazed by it and know not how to accept so great and so unexpected an affliction. I can only hope I may recover from it although I am worse today. I had a letter from Mary Gifford and one from Brigham to whom I sent for Booths address and a notice of our outing to the Artists Mutual Aid Society on June 2". Girard acted as one of the aids today.
[[left margin]] Calf of Aldemey born [[/left margin]]

Transcription Notes:
---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-17 17:10:06 .