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here. Whenever I think of it a feeling of hopelessness comes over me and I do not know what to do. Sara had a letter from Lucy today. She is having a great deal of company and expecting more in the future. Perhaps it is just as well that I could not go out there.

Sunday July 15 1888. I wrote no letters today showing how my correspondence has narrowed down. I find myself now much alone - The rest of the family are in their rooms most of the time and I am lonely because unemployed. I hope to get to work some sketching. If I can only get interested in that I know I will escape this feeling of loneliness. I was reading of Sheridan today and was struck with the fact that a man of a noble nature was compelled by circumstances to do things which his better nature revolted at. One ought to have great charity for poor and struggling people and especially those who move in a society which demands more from them than they are able to give. We continue to have very agreeable cool weather.

Wednesday 18" I went up to Churchs by invitation on Monday last by the day boat. I had a delightful sail and Winne with Michael Von Coachman met me at the landing at Hudson and drove me to this house. Church was there alone with his two sons Winthrop and Louis who are home for their vacation, Mrs Church and her daughter having gone to the sea shore. Church is building a new studio in connection with his house, quite an elaborate building of stone, and has torn down his old studio. We took a drive about the place after tea. He is very much disabled, looks very thin and cannot walk but very little yet he seems very full of peace for his future and does not lose his ambition. Rouse came up from N. Y. on Tuesday and after dinner we took a pretty long ride around "Blue Hill" Church's house is very charming. He has been twenty years nearly, at work at it, and every thing has been done in the best manner. He must have a pretty large fortune to be able to live as generously as he does and to do the things he does. I could not help contrasting the ease with which he carries out his plans with my own fears to incur even the smallest expense. I had a beautiful room in the S.W. part of the house looking down the river, elegantly furnished and with the very best attendance. I would like to be able to dispense such elegant hospitality. Church is a very remarkable man. He thoroughly believes in himself and he has no end of energy and ambition. He is very hospitable, likes to have his friends about him and gives them the best he has. There is no reason why he should be particularly kind and attentive to me, but he always has. I was struck afresh with his beautiful house. We talked in connection with our desire to sell our place, about his place and whether he would be likely to sell it for what it has cost. He said he had never regarded it as an investment but only as a house and if he should die he did not think Mrs. Church would live there. On the other hand the place has some celebrity and everything having been carried out in such taste I have no doubt it would command a good price. Rouse talked to me a little yesterday telling me that as he grows older he more and more missed a domestic life and thought if I sold my place I would miss it. He said he feared he would die at an hotel and his experience seemed to be like mine, that life grows sadder as we grow older - The two boys went on a camping expedition up the Big Indian today and I came home by the day
[[left margin]] Visit to Church [[/left margin]]

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---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-19 16:49:58 removed [[underlined]] this is not required ---------- Reopened for Editing 2023-05-19 23:50:43