Viewing page 48 of 84

This transcription has been completed. Contact us with corrections.

FREEDOMWAYS                      SECOND QUARTER 1973

were real hung-up on memoirs-especially the memoirs of the generals who were petulantly feuding over which one had actually won World War II. The cat was let out of the bag when it was realized that there was one subject upon which all of the generals were in surprising agreement. This was the planned "nuclearization of Red Russia." Although it was top, top, secret stuff you could buy it on any newsstand for fifteen cents! (the cost then of Life and Look.) It wasn't surprising that the brothers were interested since they had been briefed by several street-corner speakers (before the cops fractured their skulls) that the Soviet Union was a nation of brown, yellow, and white people, completely and harmoniously integrated. There were some brothers like turban-topped Swami, who usually held the crowd spellbound on 125th and Seventh for hours at a time, who swore that the joyous "miscegenation" of the Russians was THE reason for what Charlie was "fixin' to do"!
Ordinarily the brothers didn't take such a direct approach to what was being put down since at that time Tom still felt safe in the ghetto streets. A favorite spot for signifyin' rappin' was Skippy's Rib joint over on Eighth Avenue. The distinguished pedagogical emeritus at Skippy's was the "Professor." The Professor may have had another name but I never remember having heard it. What he did have was an encyclopedia which, according to the grapevine, he'd memorized. Even so he always carried it "just in case."
I happened to be in Skippy's one day when one of the brothers mentioned collard greens. The Professor turned to the brother. "Did I hear you mention the name collard greens?" asked the Professor.
"Professor," said the brother, "you aint only heard the word collards but if you put your ear 'long side my gut you can hear 'em growling."
The Professor sort of smiled tolerantly and said, "Don't you realize there aint no such thing in nature called collards?"
"Now cut out the crap, Fess. I know I just had some great collards over at Ma Scruggs'!"
The Professor looked down at his pointed patent leathers for a moment of learned contemplation, and then he said, "I'm sorry to expose your ignorance to the gaze of all these learned gents, but what you just ett and didn't even have sense enough to know what you was eatin' was the tears of Lycurgus, king of the Thracian Edonians, which in case you do not dig, was ancient Greek!"
"Whaaaaat!", gasped the brother.

142

Transcription Notes:
---------- Reopened for Editing 2024-02-21 19:12:36 ---------- Reopened for Editing 2024-02-21 19:21:11