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72

[[underlined]] To Mother, July 13, 1925: [[/underlined]] I arrived in Schenectady at 7:25 a.m. just in time to go to work. Today was one of the worst I ever spent at the plant. Everything is terribly slack to begin with. Mr. Steenstrup said two words to me after two weeks absence -- a word for each week -- "Good morning." That was [[underlined]] all [[/underlined]] he said to me today. So can you wonder that I rebel sometimes at working for him? Mr. Spade told me that he (Mr. Spade) had had words with Mr. Steenstrup only once or twice in the last two weeks. To step from Heaven on Earth into such an atmosphere as that is enough to knock the wind out of most anyone, particularly one who is as sensitive as I. I have not had any talk as yet with Mr. Fritschner on business matters but I think I shall when he comes here. In Boston and at Shoals, it hardly seemed appropriate and moreover there was little opportunity. But now I have just about come to a definite conclusion that I owe it to myself to make some sort of a change. It may be a change only here at the Schenectady Works but I feel I must change. I am beginning to realize that the shop and I are not congenial. I have given it a fair trial and it has taught me much. I have profited greatly by my experience in the shop -- I have worked in the shop with the men as one of them, not only here but in Syracuse. I have tried to give the shop a fair deal as far as I am concerned and I believe I have done so. I have seen both ends of it -- the workers end and the shop executives end to some extent. I have tried to see the romance in it -- I [[underlined]] have [[/underlined]] seen romance in it but somehow I can't fool myself into believing I could ever [[underlined]] love [[/underlined]] that end of my profession. And I do believe that one should [[underline]] love [[/underline]] one's work. I can't bear the thought of going on through life doing work that did not engross me -- work I was not vitally interested in. It is not fair to me nor to Willie. Please, Mother dear, don't let that fear come into your heart that I am a rolling stone -- that I can never settle down to one thing. I am sure it is not so. I have [[underlined]] never [[/underlined]] from the very first, thought I could love the shop and you know that I did not go into the course here with the expectation of staying on this line of work, but merely as a preparation for my permanent pursuit, whatever I might decide that to be later. You will find that [[underlined]] most [[/underlined]] men have felt around a bit before they struck their life work. And now you wonder what I have in mind. Well, one thing I do know definitely is this: My mind craves something where it will have to think -- theory most preferably -- not as Mr. Steenstrup's mind functions. He thinks and thinks hard, but my mind does not crave to function as his does. He is probably a better [[underlined]] shop [[/underlined]] man than I ever could be although he has no education. His mind is practical -- mine is too to a certain extent, but my mind wants to know "why" rather "how." So I feel that I need work where my mind has to reason and figure, and to be satisfied as to "why," -- where it has to work with things it cannot see. That is why a mind like mine loves mathematics so much. I would sit for hours trying to reason out a problem in calculus, and love to do it, and get a big