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tell her the truth. That would disrupt everything. She probably would leave tomorrow and no telling what the consequences would be.

So tonight I had to lie to her and we had a long wrangle about it. Mother said she couldn't understand why Willie had scarcely spoken to her all day if she wanted her to stay - she hadn't mentioned a word about it, etc. etc. on and on in circles as we always do. I was in a mood to go out and get roaring drunk to get relief from it all. And that's the way it goes and apparently always will go. It always has ever since we've been married and there appears to be no reason why it wont continue as it has for nearly twelve years. Here are two women who cannot hit it off - if either one were different, they could, but no - it never will be and I face the bitter reality of it now as always. I have wanted desperately to have Mother fit into our home happily but never has it been possible. I don't know who is to blame. I think they both are. And neither one changes. Maybe I'm to blame but I don't know in what way. It certainly is a deplorable situation and I scarcely have a peaceful, happy hour at home - completely free of this shadow - after Mother has been here for a week or so. Peace after a fashion usually lasts about that long and then trouble starts, in little ways at first, finally climaxing in a terrific argument between me and Mother in which she cries, says she wishes she were dead, that I'm lost to her forever, frightfully, mysteriously changed, and so on and on and on. I heart sick, frustrated, desperate, nerves on edge, raw. It hasn't come to that yet this time but it is working up to it now.

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