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[[table with two rows; row one subdivided into two cells]] [[row one, cell one box]] Dumb: "This boat makes fifteen knots an hour." Dumber: "Who unties them?" [[em dash]] Prof. Morris: "What is the binomial theorem?" Milton (wearily): "I pass." Prof. Morris: "You're mistaken; you flunk." [[row one, cell two box]] "Runt" Johnson: "Why don't you like the girls? "Sec" Adams: "They're too biased. "Runt" Johnson: "Biased!" "Sec" Adams: "Yes, buy us this and buy us that until I'm broke. [[long horizontal dash]] INCONSISTENCY He told his wife he could live on kisses and then started into helping in some other cafeteria. [[row two cell]] Final Payment "Judge," said the contractor to his lawyer, "Doctor says I got about a month to live; I want to make my will." "Fix it so my overdraft in the First National Bank goes to my wife [[em dash]] she can explain it to them." "My equity in my automobile I want to go to my son. He will have to go to work then to meet the payments." "Give my unpaid bills to the bonding company; they took some awful chances on me and are entitled to something." "That new-fangled machine on the job. I want the resident engineer to have. He made me buy it; maybe he can make it work." "My retained percentage, give to the state; I never expected to get it anyway." "My equipment, give to the junk man. He has had his eye on it for several years." "My keg, I want to go to my bootlegger. I hope it costs him as much to keep it wet as it has me." "I want you to handle the funeral for me, Judge. Any undertaker will do, but I want these six material men for pallbearers. They have carried me so long, they might as well finish the job."