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[[table with two rows; row one subdivided into two cells]]

[[row one, cell one box]]
Dumb: "This boat makes fifteen knots an hour."
Dumber: "Who unties them?"
[[em dash]]
Prof. Morris: "What is the binomial theorem?"
Milton (wearily): "I pass."
Prof. Morris: "You're mistaken; you flunk."

[[row one, cell two box]]
"Runt" Johnson: "Why don't you like the girls?
"Sec" Adams: "They're too biased.
"Runt" Johnson: "Biased!"
"Sec" Adams: "Yes, buy us this and buy us that until I'm broke.
[[long horizontal dash]]
INCONSISTENCY
He told his wife he could live on kisses and then started into helping in some other cafeteria.

[[row two cell]]
Final Payment

"Judge," said the contractor to his lawyer, "Doctor says I got about a month to live; I want to make my will."

"Fix it so my overdraft in the First National Bank goes to my wife [[em dash]] she can explain it to them."

"My equity in my automobile I want to go to my son. He will have to go to work then to meet the payments."

"Give my unpaid bills to the bonding company; they took some awful chances on me and are entitled to something."

"That new-fangled machine on the job. I want the resident engineer to have. He made me buy it; maybe he can make it work."

"My retained percentage, give to the state; I never expected to get it anyway."

"My equipment, give to the junk man. He has had his eye on it for several years."

"My keg, I want to go to my bootlegger. I hope it costs him as much to keep it wet as it has me."

"I want you to handle the funeral for me, Judge. Any undertaker will do, but I want these six material men for pallbearers. They have carried me so long, they might as well finish the job."