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I like what you say about faith.At the bottom of my heart,I think I believe in Divine Providence.  But my faith is so weak that I can hardly say I [[ink underline]] believe [[/ink underline]];I only [[ink underline]] hope [[/ink underline]]; and sometimes I do not even do that. Either [[strikethrough]] s [[/strikethrough]] this universe is a confounded muddle^[[,]]or else there is a beneficent Power making all things work together for good, in the long run. I should like to believe the latter , if I could ^[[o]]nly [[ink underline]] see [[/ink underline]] a little more^[[,]] so that my faith would not waver.But what I see is that I , and all men^[[,]] inherit a great and almost intolerable load of infirmities and are foolish or criminal enough to transmit ^[[it]] to our children. I sometimes feel as if it were a crime to have begotten children,because I can see that they will have to bear the same burdens and contend with the same weaknesses which have amde me feel that life is not worth living^[[.]] But'Que voulez vous?Shall   we leave propagation to the ignorant Irish^[[,]] Poles and Hungarians? THEY will obey the first commandment ("Increase and multiply") fast enough,you may be sure.So there we are.

Well,good luck to you.All the family join me in Christmas greetings to you both.

Sincerely your friend,

[[signed]] J. Comfort Fillmore. [[/signed]]

^[[P.S. Tuesday morn. Since I wrote the above I have been talking with my wife; and she has made me see the matter of my possible relations to Major Powell in a new light. I had not before seen how I could be faithful to the truth it is my business to discover and yet refrain from putting down an ignorant superior officer who might choose to express himself positively when I know he had no right to speak. But I think she has helped me to see, in part at least, how I might ignore him and still be loyal to the truth.  If it were a merely personal matter, I hope I might rise above the childishness of feeling the necessity of resenting opposition. But I can't say; that is one of my infirmities, of lifelong standing.--What do you suppose is the reason that Cushing never answered my second letter? He seemed extremely cordial.  J. C. F.

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