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15 The ugly auto trip to Roslyn was beautified by -" To drift with every passion till my soul" - etc & "passionate pain" and "deadlier delight" lived in my mind ^[[like]] lights of another world. The world in which I really [[strikethrough]] air [[/strikethrough]] ^[[belong]]. Then the children & I wandered in the fields & their companionship & love encircled me & hid the ideals & hopes of that other world. Now & then I had to stop & kiss their pink faces & their upturned lips. Then the pain & longing passed and I was content. But home once more, the children tucked in their beds it returns badly knocking at my heart, & I long with an intensity that frightens me for the impossible, the gardens of the world and all the fruits of spring. Just for a little space to let all go, all the control of my fenced in life, all the conventionality