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68

September 9th 1894.

Such rubbish as I have been writing! Such sentimental bosh.  To-night for a little I want to think serious by about the future.  If I live the chances are there will be some one who will love me only for myself.  Of course I will have a good many opportunities of marrying in the next few years.  A big heiress!  And all that sort of think.  I hope it will not effect me.  I hope it will not change me for the worse but rather improve me.  If I should marry people 
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will say:  "Oh for her money".  I don't care what people say, if it is not true, but suppose it is true?  What then?  This [[strikeout]] ? [[/strikeout]] will be terribly unhappy.  The chances are ten to one, I would be married for my money, therefore why marry?  How can you discuss it so in cold blood.  Suppose you fall in love.  What then?  I will not fall in love except with the right man.  But the right man, who is he?  A rich man, a very rich man.  But the rich man will he love me?  Ten to one - no.  What then?  Why