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64 did he is sure to come to-morrow afternoon which is just what I don't want. If he came back I suppose he will call late this afternoon. I will toss up to see. Last time I tossed up it came out right. - [[underlined]] April 24th 1895 [[/underlined]]. I am getting so unrestful, its perfectly frightful. I can't sit still & read. I can't write for ten minutes without getting the fidgets. Sometimes I am ridiculously happy & high spirited, other times I am so blue I possitively cry. The idea of [[underlined]] my [[/underlined]] crying. I am the most-self possessed individual in the world so far as that goes as a general [[end page]] [[start page]] 65 rule. Sunday evening I almost died I was so blue, Monday I almost gave up and ^[[Sunday]] lay flat on the floor on my back and put out all the lights and the tears would come. I fear I am thinking too much about myself. Monday afternoon I told Mama a good many things I have not before and oh dear me, last night I could eat [[underlined]] nothing [[/underlined]] for dinner. This morning I was too unrestful to stay home or to go out in the ordinary way. I wandered off by myself in the Park & sat on the benches and