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247

though Beatrice said "Sit here Mr Barnes," and sat in front of me. I was so happy. Then something happened I don't know if I ought even to tell you. But still there is no harm & I tell you he is the only man in the world I have ever allowed to do what I allowed him to. Of necessity we were very close. He was rather restless and his foot brushed up against mine. First I moved it away, but it happened again & this time I could not resist. I left it there. And for the rest of the evening we were thus off and on.
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248

I would take mine away but his always came back not in a horrid pushing way, but - Oh my God if I ever way forgive me. It flashed through me that one might think less of me for it, and imagine I allowed other men to do the same, but when I looked into his face, his eyes and saw there something that made me almost tremble, I could not resist and I let my foot rest against his to show him my life was his to make or mar just as he chose. He talked a good deal. He has gone through a good deal, he has suffered.