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difficulties had killed the desire, and I tried to wake myself up again.  Oh God!  The agony of it all.  It seems to me I never was without a little bit of the thought of it.

First and formost I want to be there.  I wanted with the whole of me to stand beside my friends. I knew very few French people, but I knew that I love the French working people and I adore the gold that France ^[[has]] lavished on me.  For every joy she has given I want to repay, for [[strikethrough]] her out [[/strikethrough]] the outstretched arms of her gay countryside, I want to thank her with my sympathy; for her laugh as I meet her, her tenderness and beauty - I must give [[strikethrough]] n the [[/strikethrough]] ^[[a -]] little [[strikethrough]] I have [[/strikethrough]] ^[[of my heart.]]  And this war is history.  It is up[[strikethrough]] heaval [[/strikethrough]]^[[rooting]] of all that has gone before.  It is convulsion, madness and greatness.  Every element in human[[strikethrough]] ity[[/strikethrough]] ^[[nature.]] will rise to the surface, unheard of ^[[feats of]] courage will [[strikethrough]] come up [[/strikethrough]] ^[[come out of it]], despicable acts will be perpetrated, genius will arise, trails unborn will be born and I want to be a part of it, an infintessimal speck, but still a speck in the great [[strikethrough]] the [[/strikethrough]] colossal upheaval which is unique in the worlds history.