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[[preprinted]] [[underlined]] March 12 [[/underlined]] [[/preprinted]] and was introduced to her. Her hand is very narrow and soft. She put her left hand over mine and said "and may I call you Esther". How delightfully old fashioned. I was awkward, but was rather soothed at the same time and liked her. I'm going to call Johann to tell him. There is a party here and they are playing horrible records. [[end page]] [[start page]] April 12 - [[preprinted]] [[underlined]] March 13 [[/underlined]] [[/preprinted]] God! how ironical everything is. I read a letter of Johns that I got during the holidays - "The fortuitous interruption did not prevent my realizing that you are essential of any degree of happiness in my life. I have never known pure [[strikethrough]] joy [[/strikethrough]] ecstacy but once - when I held you for the first time tonight. It seemed that all your being had left you and become part of me, while I became a new person, more light hearted, more sensitive, more beautiful, more like a person inspired with the impulse to write poetry, more natural, more expansive, more spontaneous and in every way, I seemed the person I have always striven to be - but not quite