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[[right side/start page]] Or [[OR?]] - 4 - 9818 I want to talk about my self destruction my disgust & stupidity - (waiting - [[strikethrough]] locked [[/strikethrough]] paralises) waiting & trapped by Ben's ferocity [[Ben/Zen]] & the mostly of [[arching?]] [[strikethrough]] association [[/strikethrough]] began to breath more easily & dove in - point I made about painting - let it come to me - (sick headache [[left side/cont'd/upside-down]] man in front of me in train - thrust of hand made me tremble - all men frighten me? what about all that don't? - back aches - [[End]]