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202
Sunday, November 2nd
[[strikethrough]] Friday, July 28, 1928 [[/strikethrough]]

It is very queer that once having loved someone, whether that love has been as deep as others or not, one finds himself tied to the person in a strange subtle way.  Is it because of pity for the person in losing, is it the strong hold of memories, is it a twist of pride in hating to lose something one has once had, even if it is lost because of one's own fault?  I don't know.  Peanuts came over today for the first time since last April or June.  He has gotten more mature and has developed more of a sense of humor and is infinitely nicer in every way.  My affection for him is still there — a million shades less intense than mine for Bob.  I do hope the "after-glow" friendship will continue; that he is strong enough to keep it so; that I will let him keep it so.


203
4 yrs 7 months!
Tuesday, Nov. 18
[[strikethrough]] Saturday, July 21, 1928 [[/strikethrough]]

Bob told me he was feeling pains in his kidney to-day.  He was in a terrible state, where life was nothing; where health seemed all important; where work was [[?]].  Loving me makes him want to be well and successful, so that "our dream" may eventually come true.  I did my best to "cheer him up," but over the phone it was difficult.  I realized then, how horribly empty life would be without him — and knew that to have him sick and inactive would be hell for him.  However, it may be and I hope is — nothing serious.  Quite naturally, now he considers every pain the last one.  He is the sort of person who is so active, and so whole-hearted, that it would be horribly unjust for health to retard him.  Life is funny — one never knows what is coming!  I do know though, that I know what I hope will come. — Marriage with Bob.  I do feel that we are "made for one another" and that we could make a success of marriage.  Bob is so very far away —.  I am glad that he is working again.  It gives him new interests, and less time to be fed up on me — if he were to be, oh God! — 

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