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228
Wednesday, August 15, 1928

Maybe someday you will go buying me a wedding present, the way you went to buy one for Mildred Aiken today. That is all comparitively unimportant. What does matter is that you mean so much to me here at Vassar - or perhaps more truly, Vassar means much to me because of you. Somehow it is to you I turn, with all my little triumphs here or my little troubles here. Perhaps sometime the circles will widen - but not until a lapis stone causes them. Inarticulate, oblique, stupid, amusing, silly, clever, intelligent, - we are all of these. But what I do home is that you can feel sometimes, even very seldom - only at moments, that peculiar rare understanding between two people that you know does exist. Sometimes I am filled with tenderness for you, or desire to be yours, and always there is tremendous fondness and real affection in my heart for you. More real and deep, John, than for anyone else in the world! My love for mother is different and apart. My love for Daddy still another kind. And Peter. And Charles' is closer to yours. For Alan I feel love, too, because he needs me, whether he know it not, and because he doesn't love me, and because physically he is so attractive and has so much warmth and humaness, and because he is stupid and respects me and danced divinely and goes to 


229
Thursday, August 16, 1928

[[strikethrough]] stupid [[/strikethrough]] dull, conventional parties where I suppose I belong. All the part of me that knows him you don not know - you would not accept. if only you did - and would-. Perhaps. But the part of me you do know is the part I want to have [[?]].