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WACO  124
a dark house inside anyhow, now doubly depressing. I was sent word that all Sam worried about in his "clear moments" was that I would try to make the trip to Dayton. I promised not to. The young voices of Thelma of Buddie and the baby, pierced this gloom like sunshine coming thru clouds. We needed nourishing food for our sick bodies. Buddie had a cold. Pushing myself too soon to cook I achieved some order out of chaos..and a low grade temperature, heightened by a [[strikethrough]] cakaed [[/strikethrough]] caked breast. I was nursing the baby. The doctor said it was always delicate looking women like me who lived thru things...and had plenty of natural food for babies.
    Mr.Brukner was very ill, I could smell the uremic poisoning. So versus the doctor's orders, went upstairs ..on all fours. Dear little man and I reviewed our many days of friendship. The R.N., Clayt and Clem, older brother, stood inside the doorway,(in reverse order) as I kneeled beside the low bed, one arm across Mr. Brukner's chest and caressing his face.  He said, "They told me you didn't want me in your house." This eliminated all, except Clem nodding to me in acquiescence.  I reassured him I was his FRIEND.  He said, "I am leaving soon and I don't want an institutional hand holding mine, I want a friend." Holding his hand with mine, he gave me a smile as sweet as a child's ..and died.******************************************
Sam was to be brought home..to die? One chance in a million..to live. I had to be casual, not even any emotion.  I loved Sam enough to do anything..and not upset the baby's nursing.  I "squoze" myself into my velvet skirt and boy collar blouse that Sam enjoyed so much. Put on the sleeveless sport "jerkin" that I had made out of a portiere remnant, about which Sam boasted.  My childbirth body protested.  Liking this outfit Sam would rub the back of my bobbed hair, saying not only he loved me as a wife, but the way a man loves a sweet younger brother.