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66    ABBOTT’S MONTHLY for May, 1931

JOKES
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[[caption]]
She (fervently): I have no confidence in men. 
He: Why don’t you?
She: Oh! everytime I go to a wild party with another boy friend I find my sheik there with some other girl.[/caption]]

FINANCIAL EXPERT
Country Girl: “Do you think you can get anything for kissing?”
Flapper: “Sure thing - diamond rings, watches and maybe a nice car.”
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Rudy Vallee’s voice is improving so he has to hold his nose now. 
  -Octopus.
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In a taxi-cab, it’s mileage; in a parlor, it’s fun. 
  -Juggler. 
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BOBBY’S DISCOVERY 
Bobby: “Sister must be able to see in the dark.”
Mother: “Why?”
Bobby: “Why, last night when she was entertaining Mr. Westgate in the parlor and the lights were out I hear her say, ‘Why, Tom, you haven’t shaved!’”
  -Frivol. 
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Newsboy: “Extry! Extry! All about 11 people getting swindled.”
Gentleman: “I’ll take one.”
Newsboy: “Extry! Extry! All about 12 people getting swindled.”
[[line]]

BIG CHIEG’S VIEWPOINT
The attorney had received an amusingly cynical letter from an educated Indian client, who was desirous that he collect a debt for him. There were two whole pages of meticulously correct English, concluding with, “If you cannot collect the debt by fair means, try legal proceedings.”

[[image]]
[[caption]]
“I love you, Can you return my love?” 
“Yes, I have no use for it.”
[/caption]]

FINALLY I DIED
 I never had such a tough time in all my life. First I got angina pectoris followed by arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to asphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for awhile. I know I had diabetes and acute indigestion, besides gastritis and neuritis. I don’t know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever seen.
  -College Humor. 
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Take a Scotch tip: “Stay at home and let your mind wander.”
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NOT VACUUM 
She: “I hear that they took an X-ray of your brains yesterday. Did they find anything there?”
He: “Nothing was there.”
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If you get up in the morning with a grouch, it’s best to bring her home some flowers. 
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Mrs. Talker: “Doctor Fleming looked at my tongue and said I needed something that was stimulating.”
Mr. Talker: “You can’t mean for your tongue.”
[[line]]

The secret of saving money - is never to sue anyone for what they owe you. 
[[line]]


67
Call of the Heart - (Continued from page 65)

stood smiling at him in the dusky shadows of the approaching twilight.

She was getting ready to go away. And he felt that if he took her hand, she would be glad for this expression of friendship for her and her people. He could go a step farther; take her in his arms now and tell her how badly something within himself yearned for her. Everything about her, and most of all, those melting eyes, seemed to say that she also knew- and it was what she wanted.

“I stay with you much too long- I go now,” she said, a while later, walking away in a slow-moving, hesitating manner. 

Peter stepped out into the twilight, and walked down the lane to his bungalow. His mind was still disconcerted... There was the girl in Tahiti, the mother of his little son. ... Memories that you couldn’t just ignore, no matter how hard you tried....

The next day, around midday, two native spies returned with dread news. The Terrible One and his army were coming down the trail along the shore. Peter and Tari halted the drilling and hastened to form a line of march. Peter that only swift action would save them. They must get down to the shore to the bamboo screen before the enemy passed it-or all would be lost. 

IF The Terrible One should pass the mountains and the bamboo screen, the rest would be easy for him. He could separate his forces, and elude the natives through numerous trails over the inland below the mountains. 

Lead by Peter and Tari, the natives made a rapid march down the trail along the shore. Sometimes their steps quickened, and the natives ran with a running-gliding motion. In a line they went like a long, wary snake, winding around the sharp bends of the shore. 

A dark mass loomed before them. It was the huge arm, covered densely with tall bamboo reeds and shrubs, projecting out from the rest of the shore-line to meet the sea. No one could tell how close the enemy was behind nature’s mighty fortress. But Peter and the natives marched on, their ancient firearms gleaming in the rays of the midday sun.

They came upon the bamboo screen in a rush. Peter and Tari separated their forces. Peter stationed his eager men in the edges of the thickets. There was not time to lose. Along the narrow beach he saw The Terrible One’s army coming down upon them swiftly. Peter gave orders and commands tersely, making quick, clear-cut signs to his men. A tom-tom beat was the signal to fire. 

The Terrible One’s army drew nearer heedlessly, inexorably, approaching rapidly with one steady motion. Down upon the bamboo screen it came as if it were some ferocious feline going for its helpless victim. 
(Continued on page 78) 

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