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92 ABBOTT'S MONTHLY for JANUARY, 1931 [[cartoon]] [[illustrator]] D.DAY "You say you stood up, my good man!" "I say I stood, your honor. If a man stands it is obvious that he brings himself to a standing position. It is impossible to stand any other way." "Is thasso? 12 dollars for contempt. Now, stand down!" [/cartoon]] MODERN Edward: I hear Russell is becoming thrifty and is putting something away for a rainy day. Sonny: No, it's for a wet night. -Bill Potter. ORIGIN OF JAZZ Bob: Do you know how jazz music was first discovered? Sam: Sure, by a meat-hound with a tin can tied to his tail chasing a lizzie. -Jessie Merriweather. A NEW WAY OUT When a woman motorist was called upon to stop she asked indignantly: "What do you want with me?" "You were traveling forty miles an hour," answered the police officer. "Forty miles an hour? Why I haven't been out an hour," she replied. "Go ahead," said the officer, "that's a new one on me." -Moses Evans. THE FIRST CHANCE Visitor: When are you going home? Convict: The first chance that I get. SATISFIED She: My new dress is cute, isn't it? He: It looks like a sack tied on a lamp post. She: Then you do admit it's different. OH! MIGOSH! Dummy: I see it's stylish now to give an engaged girl a bath before she gets married! Rummy: How come? Dummy: It says here in the society column that the young lady's girl friends gave her a shower. -Louie Schooler. OBLIGING LANDLADY Landlady: I'm sorry, sir, but I'm going to raise your rent. Roomer: You are, eh? Well, good luck to you. I've been trying to raise it myself, and it's sure got me stumped. OUCH!! "It's going to Alice's wooden wedding tonight!" "She's been married five years, eh?" "No dumb-bell. It's her fifth husband!" [[cartoon]] [[illustrator]] Willy Walker SOME FIGURES The Boss: "Figures never lie." The Stenog: "No, but they have a tendency to grow larger with age." 93 Blowing Out the Fires of Pelee (Continued from page 88) water out of the cellar and over the hot metal and embers, cooling them. That ended the affair. Shortly afterward the well was capped and the outlaw was under control. Because oil fires do not burn as high above the ground as gas, they usually are more difficult to blow out. Recently in Seminole field of Oklahoma a workman on a new gusher started to move a portable electric light and the wire happened to catch against the steel derrick and caused a spark. That ignited the big gusher flowing about $4,000 worth of oil a day. The flames enveloped the unfortunate workman and nothing was left of him. They telephoned Mack Kinley and he rushed to the scene by airplane, carrying several hundred pounds of nitro-glycerin in the plane with him. When he reached the fire, he realized that he was up against the toughest job of his career. The well had been placed partially under control before the fire, and as a result, instead of its shooting upward into a regular stream, it was being scattered in all directions. The fire reached a diameter of 80 or 90 feet and looked more like a huge oil tank blaze. It was impossible to reach the mouth of the well where the charge must be set off. KINLEY erected a wire cable along-side the seething mass and after having the wire melted two or three times before he could carry out his plans, he finally succeeded in sliding a charge of explosive down the wire to a spot directly above one side of the fire and set it off. This blew the flames away from the spot and broke away a part of the control equipment that was causing the spraying. He went entirely around the well setting off similar explosions and decreasing the diameter of the fire. Finally he tore away all the obstructions and the oil spurted straight into the air. He then slipped on his asbestos suit, wrapped his nitro-glycerin in a sheet of asbestos and while helpers played a strong stream of water on him he dragged the charge to the edge of the oil. When he set that off the blaze was severed and the roaring giant was soon under control. I asked Mr. Kinley what happens when he places a charge of nitro-glycerin and it fails to explode. "Well, the thing is, be sure that it does explode!" he replied grimly. "I have had only one fail me. I'll admit it was rather touchy business getting it out; but that was the only thing to do. Of course it takes a lot of heat to get off geletinized nitro, but you never can tell just when there is sufficient heat to set it off. You can't afford to sit arond and wait for a charge to explode, for every hour represents hundreds of dollars loss. On the other hand, you never know just when the blamed thing will get hot enough to go off. "When this one charge failed to explode I went in and brought it out as quickly as I could get there. Of course I had the boys play water on me and the bundle of nitro all the time. But, just the same, I was mighty glad when I got away from that fire and got the bloomin' stuff cooled down!" The explosive Mr Kinley uses is a composition of about 50 per cent nitro-glycerin and 10 per cent gun-cotton, the latter changing the nitro from a liquid to a jelly formation. It likewise deadens it to a degree, making it less easy to detonate. The substance is cut into squares in much the same manner as the cook cuts out large bicuits. These blocks are arranged in a symmetrical heap and a detonator cap is placed carefully in the center of the heap, with an electric wire running from the cap, through the mass of gelatin and on to the button by which it is set off. The heap then is wrapped securely in a blanket of asbestos and is ready for its deadly work. It is necessary to stay at a distance of 100 to 200 feet to set off the explosion, depending upon the size of the charge. Otherwise the detonation will knock one down, and likely it will toss enough debris on him to make the experience uncomfortable. Oil and gas well fires come from a multitude of causes. Perhaps the most common is from lightning, especially in the prairie country, where a steel derrick 80 or 90 feet high is quite an attraction for the fire-fangs from the heavens. Many fires are set off through sparks caused by slight friction between two steel objects. Not long ago and oil well caught when [[advertisement]] Do You Want a Baby? Regular $1.00 Treatment sent free--one to each family [[image]] Baby Scheller 41/2 months, 171/2Ibs. "I was married and longed for a baby every day with all my heart, but was denied," writes Mrs. J. Scheller, Indiana, "so I sent for your prescription. While taking the second box I was unable to express my happiness. I never had a sick day. I became the mother of a fine81/2 pound baby. God only knew our joy. I hope every woman longing for motherhood will take your medicine. You are welcome to use this letter and picture for your publication. Thank you." "Married 11 years and doctors told me I would never have any children," writes Mrs. White, Pa. "I tried your medicine. Now I am to be a mother in October. My dearest wish realized. Dr. DePew's treatment, a non-specific, based on Glandular activity, has been used with such results by thousands of women that for the next 30 days a full dollar treatment will be sent free postpaid, no C.O.D., no cost, no obligation, to every woman who writes. A limited supply of free treatments will be sent out this month, so be sure and write today. Also a free booklet, "Childless Marriages Explained" will be sent you. Simply send name, a postcard will do, and remedy will be mailed in plain wrapper. Dr. DePew believes you will be surprised and delighted. Address Dr. DePew, Suite EHJ, Coates House, Kansas City, Mo. line [[advertisement]] "100 WAYS TO GET RICH." GET YOUR COPY while they last. Price $1.00. Money back if dissatisfied. RIVERSIDE SALES CO., 1201 Monroe, Grand Rapids, Mich. lines [[advertisement]] Salesmen WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE $10 TO $15 DOLLARS A DAY selling our line of toilet preparations? We want agents in every town; men, women, students; whole or part time. Write for Free Sample Outfit offer. HINDU PERFUME CO. 515 E. 47TH ST., CHICAGO, ILL. lines [[advertisement]] Male Help FIREMEN, BRAKEMEN, BAGGAGEMEN; COLORED Train or Sleeping Car Porters, $150-$250 Monthly. Experience not necessary. 339 Railway Instruction Bureau, East St. Louis, 111. lines [[advertisement]] Concertina Plays by Rolls LATEST INVENTION, CONCERTINA PLAYS BY Rolls. Anybody can play beautiful music. At Once without even one note of music. Free Pamphlets. L.A. Pittle, New Bedford, Mass. lines Song Poem Writers SONG POEM WRITERS "REAL" PROPOSITION. 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Page divided by a vertical line 3/4 across page then a section which contains a series of advertisements.
