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much pain—  To which I can only say that no one but myself can know, how I clung to what I found in him - I know that it was selfish, but I hoped to make up for it—  Of one thing I feel sure that he does not suffer now more than I - And he has, as regards this side of life, a much more hopeful future than I—  All the same I ought to have known before. I ought to have made the sacrifice and taken the risk of losing. Do not think I am not paying for it - that is all—
I am waiting anxiously now to hear what you think about my staying over here a few months longer—  You will easily understand that now I wish to stay as never before—  It would be very painful for me to go home now, and for him too—  He would almost be driven away himself if I did.  Besides I must allow to the weakness of its being safer for both of us—
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[[archival note]]
[1888]
[[/archival note]]

Concarneau—
Sunday— Sept— 30

Dear Uncle Will—

Your precious small letter came about an hour ago—  Newspaper cuttings are interesting but I would have liked more writing - the few words, however, contained so much - that our minds could hardly hold any more, as we have been in great quandarys and this clears up a good deal—  I will let May speak for herself - She thought at first that it was too much, as was quite natural, but I told her she would have to let you have your way, and we are both so grateful—  I hated to go without her, and had a real pary [[party/parry?]] yesterday when Miss Boyer heard that she could 

[[marginalia]]
Am so glad Belle and Laurie came—  The street must have looked as it did in 1861. This is my last letter from here but I shall send postals—
Shant have time for letters, perhaps, in Italy—
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