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much eagerness, when I read your note which Carlson brought me after dinner.  I could not make it out for a long time & it was worse & worse. I wrote that note in reply & mailed it, and then I did not
know what to do with myself. Carlson felt that I was blue and his sympathy, though he hardly said anything & asked no questions, almost made a man of me & I resolved to swim just the same, though I had a horror of it, and the day was darkened to me.

But the water made me sick & terrified. I could not think of work & I don't see how I can do anything until [[strikethrough]] you write again [[strikethrough]] another
and a different letter from you.

The boys invited me to have some drink with them last evening, but it did not effect me at all, and I could think of nothing but you