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you, to and, by understand why I have done and do certain things [[uncoingly?uncaringly?]] and to show you why my choice to do certain things in the way I do.    
Believe me that I am sorry for having caused you pain. It was my intention to show you how very unhappy I felt. I admit that I did by and make you feel it but most of all to show you that I was deeply hurt and I wanted your love and could not bear the thought of losing it. I have never been as unhappy as I was when I wrote to you that morning.
I embrace and kiss you if you will permit me to.
In a day or so I leave Paris for a week and go to my early home: after that I expect to go to Fontainebleau and paint for two week. Everything that I do in [[strikethrough]] those two weeks [[/strikethrough]] that time will be for you.
I love you and kiss you in the way that you like best, as gently as a breeze on on still water. My lips have touched here.