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would make me laughed at that I should be only awkward & uncomfortable.  But my youth is departing and have never had anything that I have dreamed of & worked for, I mean that kind of spice in life, that others seem to step into without trouble.
  I have always felt that people liked me (when they did) as  someone who was peculiar & had labored under some disadvantages & so they would forgive & overlook a certain something ____ I never could find out just what.

  I wish I could see myself for one moment as  "others see me" and not " go it so blind".   I know I have said all this before, but