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and is so sweet that everyone forgets she ever squaked.  But she's like you in other ways -- the nice ways and happy mannerisms.

   Yes, I have had some hard things to bear.  I do not think of them much or ever dwell upon them, but I have a lingering feeling that I have had my share of terrible situations -- and nobody to understand, nobody near to know or care, nobody to lend a hand because I couldn't tell.  If I had been more of a coeard I could not have lived through it or borne up under the loads that came.  Just now I have the knowledge of Mel's dissection from the Navy, the country-wide hunt for him and the appeal of his wife with her two children for help.  He wanted to go to California and see his feminine ancestor that he "might know the truth of things".  I cannot connect with him while he is this disposed for of that ghostly shadow I have washed my hands-- even though it hangs over me-- but I will have none of it.  I was cured but I have no longer the will to claim the curse because I pity or feel obligated.  There is an end to endurance.

    There are other sorrows too.  I would have liked to dome much-- as much as I could for my daughter whom I have never ceased to adore.  That too has been denied me for more causes than one.  However, I can steel my heart soft as it is inside-- and everyone knows it who knows me.  The passing of Mother and Father and the living death of a sister are hard to think about.  So I just think AHEAD and try to create all the good thoughts that I have within me -- without looking back at the ghosts of yesteryear.  I am just what I am, and nothing more and what if no one knows w hat I am or why ?  The centuries to come will not care when I am dust.

    I listen and hear the songs too tomorrow and try to set my heart in tune.  Life is good and there are good things to do. I find my joy in that Why shed any tear pf pause to look sorrifully   upon my woes?  In all my life I have never shed a tear or given one sigh for myself-- and that's a fact.  If I have had tragic moments it is because I brought them upon myself through mistaken loyalties and feelings of responsibility.  Thus, I only kick myself hard and go forward to brighter goals.