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Tuesday, Feb. 13 1940 Red Coast What is it that is meant for me? The past month has seen me lowest in spirit & body I can ever remember. After 2 weeks of excitement in Honolulu the empty month was sure to come. January with its many nights of fierce winds meant nothing for I was down with a severe cold and aching eyes. I fainted working, & sketched only a terrifically romantic thing. I failed in my appointment to give a talk on art at the Library. And the greatest worry of my young life so far is yet to reach a conclusion. It may be very soon, I pray. I experienced a coincidence too miraculous for chance. I saw the beginning religion in it for me. I heard from Ed. H. who is in the throes of negation of relation, & felt I had gone thru that stage, and now see the necessity of purpose and order & belief if we are to live. The Pa. Academy rejected my painting. Yesterday for the first time in a long while, I hiked over to my Red Coast and recaptured in all its mighty splendor the world of sea and coast. And I wanted to be a painter of the windy coast again. I sat on the edge of a hill and faced the ocean and [[underlined]] it told me how I must live.[[underlined]] I repainted the rain picture & changed the tropical mountain to a barren hill by the sea. It did not improve the ptg. but it was more of mine. Today I heard from Buddy, Jerry & Virginia. I was very happy. Buddy wrote his first really serious, unfunny letter and revealed a lost personality, frantically
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