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anxiety that I keep trying to explain away. The idea of starting something quite new, of suddenly becoming a responsible person, of changing my whole mode of life -  has come over me with such force that I feel absolutely queer. Dearest I am not afraid that we are not going to be happy, or anything like that. I have no doubts about you. I believe in you perfectly. But I know you understand. I won't try and explain. If you were here I wouldn't feel that way. I never used to. And you will be here soon.

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