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it but would not remain long in this position where I had to. I want to see you and hope it will not before in the year before I will there are things that I can talk to you about better than I could while there. When you are here I hope there will be nothing to keep us from going off into the mountains, just you and I, how I wish that it might be tomorrow. When you speak of our being together, that it should be a sort of trial marriage I want to say [[strikethrough]] know [[/strikethrough]] no to it, it fills me with a fear that I would not be myself and might try to please, if we cant be together as friends I do not want to be with you at all, the idea of a test I do not look forward to, it makes me feel that there is a doubt in our love for each other, a cold sort of thing, a test means nothing for it how are you going to judge by it, I want to live now while I am living, not to think that some day we will believe in our love and believe it "calm as the night and deep as the sea" then from then on be happy. Grace I am yours if you will take me as I am, I will try with all there is in me to make you and our children, (if there are any)