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THE STORY OF AN ARTIST'S LIFE 11665

tortured by the thought of what I had endured, almost as much as by the incident itself. Well, it was to endure these things that he helped me. It was he who first gave me the idea that I might have qualities that, cultivated, would be of great help in the battle of life. And it was done in a manner hardly to be calculated upon. It was by believing in me, and how necessary it is to have some one (besides one's family) to believe in you. I shall ever remember when he said to me, "You have nice manners and a quality that will make people like you." Well, I though, can that be possible? It was a completely new idea. It was the first time I had ever had a compliment from the outside world, and the effect was like magic. How many things I forgot and forgave to try to make those sweet words true! It really sweetened my life. How it made me determined to cultivate all the more desirable qualities I might possess! This was indeed no small benefit conferred upon me. 

About this time, Mr. Thomas Eakins, under whom I was studying at the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts, gave me a criticism which aided me then, and ever since; and, as it may apply to all walks of life, I will "pass it along." I had made a start on a study, which was not altogether bad, but very probably the best thing I had ever done He encouraged me; but, instead of working to make it better, I became afraid I should destroy what I had done, and really did nothing the rest of the week. Well, he was disgusted. "What have you been doing? Get it, get it better, or get it worse. No middle ground of compromise." With this advice in my mind, I did all sorts of things. I purchased a goose, and from it made a picture. In fact, I became the owner of a sheep also, and made a sheep picture. To own a goose is bad enough, but do you know what it means to possess and try to educate in artistic habits a lone solitary sheep? Well, I will tell you something you never dreamed of, unless you have had my experience. While a flock of sheep is the personification of peace, docility, and all that is quietude, from my (unscientific) study, I have come to the conclusion that one sheep has none of the qualities of a flock of sheep, no, not one, except, it may be, their stupidity. One sheep is not "sheepish"; no, he is the most stubborn, balky, run-away, befuddled animal you can imagine. I have had other animals to serve as models, but never an animal that furnished so many alarms by day and night as that "peaceful" sheep. He was escaping from his stable (stable, by courtesy), breaking his tether, trespassing in neighbors' gardens, and eating down the very things they prized the most; or he was the very contradiction of all activity, refusing to be led to pasture and causing a giggling crowd to collect as if by magic. To the question of those on the outside who could not see what was going on, it was: "Oh! it's Henry Tanner's sheep."

In spite of the difficulties, I got a sheep picture, and finally traded it for a pair of antlers, worth ten dollars. I was happy to trade it for anything. It seemed to me that everything but pictures had a certain market value. I was sure I could sell the antlers for five dollars at least; I doubted very much whether I could sell the picture. It may be that I should have refused to sell the picture for that sum; but, after having traded it, I should have been glad to sell the object which I had acquired by trade for five dollars. I had been saved, at any rate, the depressed feeling of selling a picture for 10 per cent. of what it had actually cost me. 

However, I did manage to sell a picture occasionally, but, whenever I did, I always felt rather like a criminal. I must have cheated; for, if they had seen that picture as I did with all its faults continually staring at me, they certainly would not have bought it. Nevertheless, I kept on trying to sell them, but, I must confess, with little success. Among other things, I was sending black and white drawings every month or so to New York publishers. As fast as they would be returned with thanks by one, they were off to another. Very few stayed, but I remember the first one that did, and the check for forty dollars that came with the letter of acceptance made me wonder how they could pay such "big prices." When, soon afterward, I sold a painting, "A Lion at Home," from the exhibition of the Academy of Design for eighty dollars, I began to look up and was encouraged to commence a most ambitious canvas of "Androcles." I spent all my money on models, and did not finish the picture; it was beyond me; but I earned some things by my failures. 

I have had brilliant ideas in my life. One of them was to united business and art. The thing to do was to have an occupation that would furnish a small income--a business that would not take all my time. So it was 

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[[footer]] What I thought [[/footer]]