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28. 

Thursday Feb. 20. 1879. Yesterday painted on a small study of my "Cloud" picture. I also had an interview with Fitch about a course of treatment he has gone through for his deafness and wrote a letter to Mrs. Col. Cogswell about. At 4' oclock I went down to Wheelers by the Long Island R.R and spent the night with them returning to day about 10 o'clock. I had a very satisfactory visit. Mrs. Wheeler talked with me about Gertrude and we revived the memories of twenty years ago. When I awoke this morning it was sunny. Wheeler drove me down to Jamaica. I mean to go there again for I like to be with Mrs. Wheeler. I found a sweet letter here from Sara. Her letters always bring tears but they are the tears that come of sweet, sad memories. She feels very tender of me and grieves that I am so unhappy. Today I have begun a head of Gertrude which I think looks very like her. I would like to paint it delicately and not with a strong effect. I do not hear anything from my letter last Saturday and am full of wonder at what its effect will be. Booth came in for a while towards evening and Church and Beard called. Whittredge was in yesterday and told me he had bought some land out at Summit and Calvert is designing him a house. I found Platts name on my door when I returned. Wrote to Mrs. Cogswell. 

Friday 21. Have painted all day on Gertrudes portrait but do not succeed at all. It is bad. I thought yesterday I was going to make a good head of it. I am full of warring thoughts and melancholy. Tonight have been reading Gertrudes letters, and so have been under the wings of her never failing love - but Oh! the awakening. Sometimes I wish I could go to her and thus end all. Edith Cook came to see me today. She looks very old and has grown grey.

Saturday 22. Painted on the head of Gertrude and got it in a better state. Julia Dillon called to see if I were going home and was to meet me in the cars at Jersey City. I went to the train at 3. it was snowing. Julia did not arrive. Had a lovely ride up through the Ramapo valley: it was snowing and I saw many things I would like to paint. Found Tom waiting for me at Kingston with the sleigh.
 
Sunday 23. Julia got left and came up by the Hudson River road. She and John & Nannie came over and spent the evening. Sara and I took a sleigh ride after dinner out on the Flat bush road and returned by Charlie Livingstons, the road much drifted past his place. Have been reading Gertrudes early letters, just before we were married and mine to her in connection with them. All the happiness we anticipate in each others love we lived to fully realize and after reading these letters which take me back to those happy and hopeful days, I miss her more and more. Why did we never read these letters together. I can fancy